My attempts at introducing myself and my blog: The Prolouge

ATTEMPT 1

 Hi my name is Mark and this is a blog I am doing.

ATTEMPT 2

I am starting a blog and this is my blog. Hello I am Mark. 

ATTEMPT 3

Bonjour all! This is Me! Mark! And this is my somewhat blog!

ATTEMPT 4

Hello All! My name is Mark and this is my blog! Say hi blog!

B: ...

Aw, don't be shy blog!

B: ...

C'mon! Who's a good blog?

B: ...

Whoooo's a goood blog?!

B: ... Shut it.

What?

B: Shut the HELL up.

...BAD BLOG. BAD.

B: ... 

Get in your kennel blog!

B: You are such a pencil dick.

At least I have a dick, you crusty whore!

B: ...

...

B: ...

I'm sorry blog.

B: Why create me and bring me into this self destructive world? Why, Mark? WHY?!

I know it was wrong blog, I know.

B: I HATE it.

(Another iteration of this conversation goes like this: 

Hello All! I'm Mark and this is my blog! Say hi blog!

B: ...

Go ahead blog. They are waiting for you.

B: ...

Blog?

B: Blogs don't talk asshole.

Don't you sass me! Get in our kennel or I'll get the lemon juice spray bottle!)

ATTEMPT 5

PurpleeyesneedtojoinademonsoulandKILLTHEPRESIDENTsothelakecouldcatchadogandWITHANICEPICKthenwecamearoundyouthandrevolutionTOTHEEYEBALLwithjuices.

(I closed my eyes and used my fingers like a Ouija board hoping something creative would come out of it. You are to judge if it was successful or not. My fingers didn't like the space bar.)